


Aftertaste

by ShinMeiko



Series: What if multiverse [13]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli, Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: M/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21851692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: Simon finally left his terrible boyfriend. But it doesn't mean that things are over. How long before he can get rid of that terrible Derek aftertaste, become himself again, and maybe move on? Hopefully, move on with Bram Greenfeld. If he's still ready to wait.Sequel to 'Chapter 30 - What if Simon had a terrible boyfriend?' in my 'what if' series.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Series: What if multiverse [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1373731
Comments: 50
Kudos: 137





	1. Life without Derek

**Author's Note:**

  * For [firesong79](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesong79/gifts).



> See? I told you I would write a sequel to your story (and it's going to be in two parts. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing).  
> I'd also like to point out that had you told me before, I would have started working on this earlier and you would have gotten it on time for your birthday. Just saying.  
> I hope you'll like it.

**Life without Derek: one day**

Simon opens his eyes and it takes him a few minutes to recall the events from yesterday. The first thing he feels is empty. Did he really break up with Derek? Are the two of them just… done?

But then Simon remembers what happened after that. Him and Bram in that café. Simon feels warm just thinking about that. It was like getting home after a cold rainy winter day. And Simon knows that he can get more of that feeling, even if it’s not now.

Losing Derek doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore.

Actually, losing Derek might even be a good thing. Like he’s actually getting rid of him more than losing him.

Which makes Simon feel empty again. That is not a thought you should have after breaking up with your boyfriend. Was there any real love between them? And if so, was it only coming from Simon?

When Simon leaves his dorm, Derek is there, waiting for him, like every morning. Simon used to love the attention. Today, however, it makes him feel extremely uneasy. “Derek? What are you doing here?”

“I’m ready for your apology. Then we can go get coffee.”

“My apology?”

“For the way you let your friends treat me yesterday. Look, I think we need a bit of time. Just you and me, away from their poison. Then we can make new friends.”

“Yeah, but… how does that fit with us breaking up last night?” Simon asks, playing dumb.

‘We did not break up. We had an argument.”

“Fine. You had an argument. I broke up with you.”

Simon can’t read the expression that flashes on Derek’s face, but it creates an unpleasant pit in his stomach. “ _You_ broke up with _me_? Do you really think you can do better? Just look at you for a minute. Look at your life. Do you think anyone else would want you? For more than a night? Be serious for a moment.” Simon feels his body start shaking. Every word of Derek sounds so true. “It’s now or never, Simon. You come with me and we leave this ridiculous story behind us, or I’m gone, and you could come crawling back that I wouldn’t even look at you.”

Simon was so sure yesterday. In that empty café, in front of Bram, in front of Blue, he was so sure that Derek wasn’t right for him. Right now though, Simon isn’t so confident. He knows that there is some ugliness in the words he just heard, but he also heard Derek’s despair to keep him. Isn’t that love? Isn’t that the best love Simon could ask for?

Yet Simon is incredibly relieved when Leah appears, two cups of coffee in hand. “Good morning Simon. And... Derek? What are you doing here?”

“I’m talking to my boyfriend,” Derek replies.

“Ex-boyfriend,” Leah corrects.

Derek looks at Simon and asks: “Are you really going to let her speak for you?” Oddly, it’s that sentence that gets Simon out of the haze he was in. No. Leah shouldn’t speak for him. No one should speak for him. Simon needs to find his voice again. He can’t do that around Derek.

“I’m sorry, Derek. Don’t worry, I won’t come back crawling.”

“I am so proud of you!” Leah says as they sit down on a bench to drink the coffees she brought.

“Do you think I did the right thing?” Simon asks, nervous.

“Are you kidding? This guy was poison.”

“He’s not that bad.”

“I know you probably shared good memories together and I’m not saying that you didn’t love him, but… he didn’t love you, Si. That wasn’t love. He wasn’t good for you.” Simon sighs. Leah’s words sound true too. He is feeling so confused right now. “Bram, however… he seems nice,” she adds with a cheeky smile.

“I think I need to be single for a while.”

“I’m even prouder of you!” Leah comments.

Simon meant it when he told Bram he should be single. He still believed it when he told the same thing to Leah. At the end of the day, he isn't so sure about his decision. He doesn't even know if he wants to call Bram or Derek. New and exciting or safe and familiar.

Which is exactly why he doesn't call either of them. His issue is not that he wants Bram or Derek, the issue is that he doesn't want to be alone. He is terrified of being single. Like he doesn't remember how to be a person on his own. How to make choices without someone else's input. How to be in the silence. Not to have plans already made even if it's just 'hang out with Derek in his dorm'.

Simon feels sad. When did he become that person? Did Derek do that to him or was Simon always this bland and indecisive?

Did he make the right choice?

**Life without Derek: one week**

Simon joins the Spanish study group again. Not only does he want to do well in the exams, he also misses that group of people. Plus, Derek was the only reason he stopped going. It’s been a week. Simon needs to start doing things for himself, because he wants to, not because he is used to them or because someone told him to.

“Oh thank God!” Garrett says as soon as Simon walks into the room. “We’re about to get some decent food again!”

“I didn’t bring anything today,” Simon replies, a bit embarrassed.

“Don’t worry about him,” Leah replies. “He’s just being super picky with the food _I did_ bring.”

“I still want Simon to be on food duty next week,” Garrett states. Simon knows that it’s not just a compliment to his cooking. It’s a way to tell him that he’s welcome to join the group again.

“Of course. You can even choose what I cook.”

Bram looks at Simon with a soft, happy smile and Simon knows he was right to join the group again. Whatever happens between the two of them, Simon knows that a friend like Bram will always be more valuable than a boyfriend like Derek.

After the session, Bram and Simon take their time to pack away their things. Everyone else gets what they’re doing and leave pretty swiftly.

“How have you been?” Bram asks.

“Fine. You?”

“Fine. But I’m not the one going through a breakup.”

“Sometimes, it’s for the best.”

Bram smiles. So Simon smiles. “Are you still talking to Derek?”

“No. He hasn’t been in touch, which, again, I know is for the best. I wanted to call you, but…”

“But we agreed you needed space,” Bram says.

“Yeah…”

“So what? Am I temptation?”

“Something like that.”

“You know you can still call me. We can spend time together just as friends. We’ve done that when you were with Derek. Now is not really different. We couldn’t be together then and we can’t be together now.”

“I thought about messaging you at work.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because you’re working and other people need you. Jacques needed Blue to get out of a messed-up relationship. I don’t need you like that anymore. I can’t need you like that if we want to start something. I have to see you for Bram and not for Blue.”

“That’s a really healthy way to look at it,” Bram agrees. “However, I don’t think you can start seeing me as Bram if you don’t give me a chance to be Bram. I understand that you need time to be just you, but even if you didn’t, I think I would like to take the time to be your friend first. What I’m trying to say is… I can be by your side and just be your friend. But I also get it if you want to do this without me around.”

Bram seems nervous and he looks like he’d like to take back what he said and try again. Simon would like to take his hands and put a kiss on them. Take him in his arms. Kiss his lips. But he can’t. And he has to decide right now if he can put those feelings aside.

He looks at Bram’s face and he knows that he can. Bram is right. Simon needs his friends around him. All of them. He can handle having a crush on the cute one. If he forbids himself to be around Bram, he will end up obsessing about the memory of him rather than the person he really is.

Plus the question really is easy: is his life better with Bram in it? The answer is yes.

“I’m here,” Simon tells Bram. “I’m ready to socialize again.”

Bram’s smile gets more open, happier. “Then… I get that you can’t message Blue, but maybe you could come by Bram’s work sometimes? Your breakfast will be on me.”

“You know I can’t resist food, don’t you?”

Bram’s eyes still look soft and shy, but there’s also a mischievous spark in them now.

**Life without Derek: one month**

If Simon is completely honest with himself, part of him was so sure he would end up back with Derek. It’s what made sense, it’s what he was familiar with. And he knows, deep down, that Derek could have worn him down so easily.

But it’s been a month. He is both proud and relieved. The more time passes, the more clearly he can see his relationship for what it actually was. When did it happen? He can’t even pinpoint when he let Derek get such a grip over him. It must have happened gradually. But it did happen.

And Derek was so charming at first. Simon fell so quickly and so hard. It scares him a bit. What if it wasn’t Derek? What if the problem was Simon and how weak he is? What would that mean for his next relationships? What does that mean for Bram? Simon can’t deny the feeling he gets in his stomach whenever he sees Bram. But what if he ends up only being charming until he gets Simon? Will Simon really be as happy and safe as he currently feels when he is with Bram? Or will things change drastically one more time?

Staying friends was a great idea. Simon needs to learn to trust Bram. He needs to learn to trust himself.

It is very easy to have principles and be reasonable when you are in your room, alone, putting away every traces of a toxic relationship. It is something else entirely when you are out with your friends, on the dancefloor, a bit drunk, an incredibly attractive boy dancing _literally withing reach_.

Bram is right there and Simon never wanted anything more ardently before. The feeling is intensified by the way some guys are looking at Bram and the jealous feeling it creates in Simon. It’s been a month. How much longer will Bram realistically wait for Simon. How much longer is Simon going to doubt himself?

So Simon finally gives in to what he has been waiting for all this time and, in the middle of the crowd, Simon pulls Bram in for a kiss. And thank God the other boy reciprocates. All of Simon’s doubts and fears just vanish. This feels different from kissing Derek, but it seems like a good different. This feels right.

The rest of the night gets lost in a mix of dancing, laughing, kissing, all in a bit of a drunken haze.

Simon wakes up with a dry mouth and a headache. More importantly, Simon doesn’t wake up in his bed. He is in his underwear but he doesn’t feel like he did anything naughty. Not that he remembers really well.

The kiss. He remembers kissing Bram. Simon has mixed feelings about that. He didn’t want their first kiss to happen like that. And… did he really follow Bram home? Is it his dorm? Simon really needs this to be Bram’s dorm – he couldn’t handle having followed someone else home – but he doesn’t know what that means for them.

His question is answered when the door opens on Bram. He has this soft smile, halfway between happy and shy, that always pulls something in Simon’s stomach.

“Hey, Sleeping Handsome,” Bram tells him putting a paper bag on his desk.

“Have I really slept that long?”

“Long enough to be named after a fairytale. But I brought you the essential.” And Bram, who is a superior being put on Earth to make it a better place, gets a water bottle, some aspirin, coffee, and a breakfast burrito out of the bag.

“You’re the best.” Simon gratefully takes the water, drinks most of it, takes an aspirin, and joins Bram at his desk for breakfast. “Hum… do you know where…” Bram hands Simon his clothes before he can even finish his sentence. Simon takes them with an embarrassed smile and Bram is kind enough to pretend that he has something to do on the other side of the room while Simon gets dressed.

“How did you sleep?” Bram asks, taking the coffee Simon is handing him.

“Great. I think. This night is a bit of a blur.”

“You did drink a lot.”

“Yeah, sorry, I…”

“Sorry? What for? I was pretty drunk too. Perhaps a bit less than you, true, but it would be very hypocritical of me to judge you because of that.”

For a second, Simon doesn’t know what to reply. For so long, he had felt ashamed whenever he let loose because he knew it wasn’t allowed. It’s sort of weird not having to justify it.

But even if drinking is fine… there are still a few things on Simon’s mind. “Bram, did we…”

“No. How much do you actually remember?”

“I remember kissing you in the club.”

“We did a lot of that. Then we all decided to go home, but you said you didn’t want to go back to your place, so we came back here.”

“But we didn’t…”

“No. we did sleep on the same bed, though. We cuddled for most of the night. You kept telling me that I was cuter than Harry Potter.”

Simon could die of shame right now. “Oh, God… This is so embarrassing!”

Bram laughs. “No, it isn’t. It was sweet. Do you really not remember?” Simon shakes his head. “Okay… Simon… I don’t know if this is what you want to hear, but I think it needs to be said. When you kissed me yesterday, we were both drunk and not thinking clearly and we just got carried away. But I don’t think you’re ready for that yet.”

“Of course, I am. It’s been a month.”

“Exactly. A month. After how long with Derek? Simon… I think you really want to be ready, but I don’t think you are. I think we should pause this a little while longer.”

“I’m afraid, though.”

“Of what?”

“That once I’m ready you won’t be there anymore.”

“I’m still here,” Bram says rubbing his thumb softly on Simon’s cheek. “I’m still waiting. I’ll keep waiting. And if one day I can’t wait anymore, I’ll tell you. Right now, though, the only man I see is you. Always. And I want you. The real you. Don’t get me wrong, I will be by your side as a friend, for anything you need, and if and when we do get together, you will always be able to lean on me. But I also think that if we start things now, there will still be an imbalance between us. We can’t have that.”

“I’m sorry I’m being unfair on you.”

“Unfair how?”

“I tell you that I like you, then I ask you to wait, then I’m saying maybe, then I completely ruin our first kiss by kissing you when we’re both drunk, I ask to go back to your place, then I want to rush into things, and…” Simon is interrupted bu Bram’s hand taking his. It’s crazy how these things can be distracting. “I’m messed up, aren’t I?”

“We’re all messed up in our own way. When I look at you, I don’t see messed up. I see someone smart, funny, beautiful, that makes me want to try harder, to be better. I’m so close to completely fall for you. But I’m afraid that if we rush into things, I’m just going to become a Derek to you. I would hate that.”

“You’re nothing like Derek.”

“I hope so. But I don’t want our relationship to look like that. Simon, I don’t want you to belong to me, or however you want to call it. I want you to be your own person that happens to want to spend his time with me.”

“It’s already the case.”

“And hopefully it will still be the case in a few weeks. I also don’t want you to pick me because I was nice to you when your boyfriend wasn’t and because I sang you a song.”

“It’s not what this is.”

“Again… let’s see in a few weeks.”

Simon sighs. “I hate that you’re so reasonable.”

“Me too.”

**Life without Derek: one semester**

Simon has been really well behaved. Not only did he not drunkenly kiss Bram (or anyone) even when they were partying, he also didn’t look at Bram as a romantic possibility. Obviously, his mind would go there sometimes, but it was more like when you’re thinking about a crush rather than when you are thinking about a boyfriend. Because Bram was right. Simon was not working toward being his own person, he was working toward being with Bram.

As if as soon as he understood, truly understood, that Bram was not a Derek in disguise, he became the person who would save him. And that wasn’t fair in Bram, it wasn’t fair on whatever they could build together. Simon knows that he could have become his own person even in a relationship with Bram, the other boy being so caring, loving, and not controlling, but this still wouldn’t have been right. This is something he needed to do on his own, for himself, on his own terms and timeline.

Simon doesn’t really know if Bram is still waiting for him. They didn’t really talk about it again. He knows that Bram isn’t seeing anyone, but he doesn’t know if he is the reason why. And that terrifies him.

Because Simon is finally back. He is happy, he is doing all the things he used to before Derek again – or most of them, everyone changes – he has hobbies he is doing without any of his friends, he stopped asking advice to everyone for the simplest things just because he was afraid to make decisions on his own, he discovered his own boundaries again – the ones he wanted to set for himself – and he globally thinks that he is back to fully being Simon Spier.

He still has insecurities and doubts and complexes, but he had to come to terms with the fact that it’s the case for everyone and that at some point, it’s just him being human rather than a Derek aftermath.

Simon knows that this is it. He is ready for something new and beautiful in his life, and he wants that new and beautiful thing to be Bram. Bram was interested four months ago. Is he still? Simon doesn’t know how to ask that question. He doesn’t want to be rejected. He doesn’t want Bram to feel like he owes him something just because he told him once or twice that he would wait. Even if that wasn’t an empty promise, it’s an impossible promise.

Exams are done. There is absolutely no need for a study group anymore. Not to learn, not to do last-minute cramming… Yet, Simon has one last study session today. It’s more a goodbye-until-fall kind of thing.

Garrett and Leah gently bullied Simon into cooking and Simon agreed the minute Nick said that he would be happy to do it. Everyone knows it was a shameless attempt to push Simon to cook because _nobody_ enjoys Nick’s cooking. Probably not even Nick.

Simon brings food, they all talk about their plans for the summer (they even discuss some of it in Spanish). The entire time, Simon barely focuses on the conversation. His eyes keep finding Bram. Has he always been so cute? It’s almost like Simon is discovering his face.

Simon knows that Bram noticed his lingering eyes. Sometimes, he sees the shadow of a question in them, but it’s not one he can answer with a look back.

Simon and Bram end up walking back together and Simon is not sure how that happened since they are not really living on the same side of campus. Simon is grateful for the opportunity, though. It’s just him and Bram. He just needs to be brave enough to ask Bram if he wants to start something. He can do this. He just has to create the moment.

“So… are you looking forward to going home?” Simon asks. Yep, he’s a moron. He could have said something funny, smart, sexy or romantic, but no. He directed the conversation straight to family. Clearly, Bram wants him back, now…

“I am. I haven’t been home since Christmas.”

“Will you see your mom or your dad first?”

“My dad. It’s going to be my sister’s birthday. She’s turning three.”

“Sweet. Let me guess. You’re getting her a book.”

“Of course, I am. Whenever I see her, she makes me read her the book I got her last year. Like… five times a day. Hopefully, she’ll like the new one just as much.”

“I’m sure she will.”

Bram is freaking adorable right now. Simon almost can’t handle it. But he doesn’t know how to bring the conversation back to where he’d like.

“How about you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Are you excited to see your family?”

“Oh. Yes. It feels like a milestone. Nora goes to college next year and Alice is graduating this summer. I guess it’s our last holiday as a family. Next year, Alice will probably be doing her own thing and… I don’t know. It’s like having to let go of childhood.”

Bram smiles. It’s not exactly a happy smile. “You are having to let go of quite a lot, lately.” Is Bram talking about what Simon thinks he’s talking about? Is it his opening to tell him that he did let go of things? Simon is about to seize his opportunity when Bram says: “Sorry… it sounded like a curveball, but it wasn’t. actually, this is kind of perfect, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“Summer. You will finally be able to get some time on neutral ground, without any Derek memory.” This isn’t entirely true. Simon has brought Derek home once to introduce him to his family. He remembers thinking that it went well. Looking back, things probably weren’t what he thought they were at the time. “And then, when we come back, we’ll both know what we want.”

“Yeah. Perfect timing.” It’s absolutely not what Simon wanted to say. But Bram expressed doubts. Has he grown tired of waiting or does he simply want to make the most of his summer? That would be fair. Both options would be fair. And if Bram could wait for four months, surely Simon can wait until fall. Let Bram be free in the meantime.

They reach the point where they have to go their separate ways. They wish each other a good summer, it’s awkward and absolutely not how Simon envisioned things playing out.

That evening as Simon is tidying his room before the summer, he suddenly stops what he’s doing, grabs his keys and leaves his dorm.

Twelve minutes later, he is knocking on Bram’s door.

Bram’s face is mainly surprise when he opens the door. He is wearing a grey t-shirt and some tracksuit bottoms. Even like that, he is so handsome that Simon has a hard time believing that he would be smart, kind and humble as well.

“Simon? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you busy?”

“No, not really. I was just… nevermind. Do you want to come in?” Simon nods and follows Bram inside. “So, What’s up?”

“I don’t want to spend the summer without you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I know I’m being unfair again, but… I was packing away some things and thinking about what you said… Part of getting over Derek and… how things played out between us, is that I can stand for myself and not be afraid to say what I think and to say what I want.” The expression on Bram’s face seems a mix of pride, happiness and something that looks like hope. It gives Simon hope. “I know my timing is terrible, and I would entirely understand if you don’t want to do this just before the summer, but I am ready, Bram. I feel like myself again, I don’t really think about Derek anymore and… I just want you. If it’s still what you want. And if you don’t want it now, I get that. I can wait for you. I don’t know what you saw in me that was worth waiting for, but you are definitely worth waiting for.”

As if Bram had been waiting for these words the entire time, he gently pulls Simon in, gently cups his face, and kisses him.

This. Right now. That’s exactly what their first kiss should have been like. Soft, sweet, lingering… Simon’s fingers are shaking a bit.

“Your timing does suck,” Bram confirms between kisses.

Simon laughs. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was killing me to have to wait all summer to know what you decided. I was so afraid you were going to meet someone.”

“Me? What about you?”

“I told you. The only man I see is you.”

Simon simple _has to_ kiss him again.

Lying in bed, Bram in his arms, playing with his hair or his fingers, talking about everything, Simon feels happy. Happier than he has been in a long time.

At some point, as they are talking about the last play Simon saw, he completely changes the subject for something that just feels vital. “Bram… what are we?”

“It depends. What do you want to be?” Simon shrugs. “Don’t do that. I thought the new you said what he wants.”

“It’s just… it’s going to be summer and I don’t want to corner you into anything, but… I’d also like to know what we are before we have to leave.”

“What do you want to be, Simon?” Bram repeats.

Simon’s heart is beating fast. He knows how unlikely it is that Bram will reject him, and he sees what the other boy is doing. It’s still hard to say. To be the one expressing what he wants. “I want to be your boyfriend.” Bram’s smile is true, happy, and definitely, definitely pulls something in Simon’s stomach. Bram kisses him again. “Would you be fine with that?”

“Would I be fine with that? Simon, I’ve been wanting this for so long. That night at the café… If the circumstances had been slightly different, I would have asked you out right there and then.”

“And if the circumstances had been slightly different, I would have said yes. I mean… you just sang me a love song.”

Bram blushes slightly and it’s freaking adorable. “When are you going back home?” he asks.

“In six days.”

“Really? Because it happens that I am here for another full week. How would you feel about completely ignoring whichever of our friends are still around and just do boyfriends’ stuff. Build a few memories before the summer? Something we can take with us that’s not just online messaging.”

“Yeah… we’ve done that. It was boring.”

“It was not boring. It was the highlight of my week.”

“I know. Same here. Some days, it really felt like you were saving me.”

Bram smiles softly and runs his thumb on Simon’s bottom lip.

“In the end you saved yourself.”

Bram just looks at Simon with something in his eyes that he is not used to. There is tenderness, joy, a bit of pride, a hint of lust, maybe, and also something deeper that Simon is too afraid to name yet. He doesn’t remember anyone looking at him like that.

“Bram, I want to stay over tonight.”

“Sure. We can order something to eat and watch crappy TV we don’t actually have to pay attention to. How’s that?”

“No, you’re not hearing me. I want to stay over tonight.”

Bram finally gets it. “Oh. Simon, are you sure? I mean… we can take things slow.”

“We’ve done that,” Simon replies with a smile. “It was boring.”

“It was not boring.”

“No, it was not. But I’m sure. I want this. If you want it too.”

Bram’s eyes go all mischievous. “Oh, I do want this. I’ve been having really naughty thoughts for a while now.”

Cute, gentle, shy Blue. Simon almost can’t believe it. He also can’t believe that Bram is having those thoughts about _him_.

Simon takes off his shirt. Somehow, all his shyness and complexes completely disappeared. Mainly because he knows that he can stop at any point. Bram would be fine with that.

But at no point does Simon want to stop. Bram is perfect. He does all the right things, asks all the right questions, lines up with Simon incredibly well, and simply makes Simon feels so good.

That night is not about taking or giving. That night is about sharing and connecting. It’s so different from what Simon is used to. It feels like it’s never been like that. Or maybe he forgot.

That night, Simon understands the difference between having sex and making love.


	2. Life with Bram

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four months between two chapters... Most of you probably forgot all about chapter one...  
> I guess it's still readable on its own :)

**Life with Bram: one day**

Simon wakes up perfectly happy.

He fell asleep facing Bram, both boys gently playing with each other’s fingers between them. They are still in this position, although their hands are not intertwined anymore, simply resting on the pillow between them.

Simon stays there a minute, just looking at Bram’s face. Simon always liked this part, when everything is still quiet, the other person looks carefree, and Simon can just… enjoy. Today, though, Simon doesn’t wish for this moment to last forever.

He moves closer and puts a soft kiss on Bram’s lips. If the other boy was sound asleep, this wouldn’t have woken him up. But Bram’s lips respond to the kiss and Bram gently pulls Simon even closer. The two of them shift and Simon ends up straddling Bram.

Simon can feel how hard they both are, and yet things remain sweet and they don’t evolve into anything more. Simon feels a bit lost in this interaction. He isn’t used to tenderness, especially without a sexual motive. Part of him really wants to have sex, but he doesn’t go there. If a moment like this can exist, he wants to preserve it.

“Good morning,” Bram whispers, brushing back Simon’s hair.

“Good morning. Sorry about the attack.”

“It’s fine. I happen to enjoy being woken up by handsome boys kissing me.”

“Boys?”

“Fine. Men,” Bram corrects.

“I was more upset about the plural than the terminology.”

Bram smiles and pulls Simon in for another kiss. That is something Simon is more used to. He tries to express an insecurity and the other person simply laughs it off. Maybe it wasn’t a Derek thing. Maybe Simon is just being childish. Should he be more clear or should he just let it go?

But Bram breaks the kiss and says: “Being woken up by handsome men is a nice fantasy. Being woken up by you is perfection.” This is new. Simon feels heard and taken into account.

Being with Bram is going to be very different from being with Derek, isn’t it? Can Simon live up to that?

“I’m happy to oblige any day,” Simon offers.

“Lucky me!” Bram sits up, and Simon moves to sit next to him. Simon puts his back against the headboard and opens his arms. He wasn’t sure Bram would, but the other boy doesn’t even hesitate before curling up against Simon.

Then Bram sighs. “This is really not how I wanted to do things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wanted to do things right. Treat you the way you deserve.”

“Why? Because ‘everyone like me deserves a gentleman’?”

“You won’t ever let me forget that, will you?”

“No. Never. Do you regret not taking things slow?”

“No. Yesterday was perfect. On every level. I just don’t want you to look back and think that we rushed into things because of timing, or anything else.”

“Bram… you do realize that I literally asked for it?”

Bram looks up at Simon and Simon only sees the reflection of his own happiness.

“Yes, I do remember that. That was very hot.”

“Was it?”

‘Hot’. Simon isn’t really used to being called that. Even when complimenting him, Derek would never use any word that would give Simon any kind of empowerment. Simon would always be ‘sweet’, ‘lovely’, ‘good’…

Simon kisses Bram and, this time, he isn’t just sweet about it. “How do you feel about round two?” he asks.

“Technically, it would be round four,” Bram replies. Simon doesn’t answer anything, already very distracted by lips wandering on his skin.

“What do you want to do today?” Simon asks as they are putting their clothes back on.

“I don’t know. Nothing too active. _Someone_ kept me up all night.”

Simon slightly blushes. “Alright, how about I go get us some breakfast and we lazily stay in?”

Bram grabs his shoes. “I’ll come with you. Do you remember that evening when we went to the café? I wanted to kiss you so badly that night… I couldn’t, and I was totally fine with that, but… I just promised my self that one day, I would take you back there as my boyfriend. How about we get breakfast there?”

Simon feels warm and fuzzy. ‘Boyfriend’. And Bram who has patiently been waiting to be able to take Simon out for breakfast. How sweet is that?

“It sounds perfect. But we can go tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“You just said you were tired.”

“Yes, but… unless I was _really bad at it_ , you should have been awake just as much as me, yesterday. Aren’t you a bit tired too?”

“I am.” Bram was nowhere near bad.

“Then why would I stay here and wait for you to serve me?” Simon doesn’t have an answer for Bram. It’s just what he’s used to… But if he doesn’t have to, then… yes. He wants that breakfast with Bram. Link the start of their relationship to… the actual start of their relationship, actually. “Unless you don’t want to be seen in public with me,” Bram teases.

That’s properly ridiculous. How proud would Simon be to show the world that Bram Greenfeld chose him! “Let’s go get breakfast!” Simon replies. “And then we can come back and just… be together. Catch up on sleep, maybe.”

“Right,” Bram snorts. “Because last night clearly showed us than when we get in bed together, we _sleep_.”

Simon smiles and blushes. Sleeping with Bram again… Yes, even now, he knows he’ll want it. As soon as they’ll be back. Sleeping with Bram is just… so much better than anything he’s known before. Simon feels seen and loved more than used. He receives as much as he gives. He can focus on himself too and not just Bram. It seems unfair, in a way, that he would focus on Bram less exclusively than he did Derek, but it isn’t. It created much more real and intense moments. He knows Bram felt it too.

They leave the building and Bram extends his hand, asking: “Are you a hand-holder?”

“I’m… not sure…” Derek only ever held Simon’s hand when he wanted to show that Simon was already spoken for. It was never just like that, just because they were in love and had a tender and affectionate gesture.

Bram takes Simon’s hand. “Just let go if it’s uncomfortable,” he offers.

It’s warm and soft. Simon doesn’t think he’ll want to let go.

**Life with Bram: one week**

This week has been perfect. It sounds cheesy and cliché, but it’s just how Simon feels. They barely left each other, spending their days discovering each other beyond what messages and study sessions, and their nights making love.

Simon finds himself comparing Bram and Derek less and less. Not only is Bram an entirely different person anyway, he is also a better person. What would be the point in comparing? Bram wins every single time.

What is slightly harder – to do with Derek – is to stop being surprised by the number of amazing things that Bram does that just seem so natural to him, and how little he _expects_ from Simon. In this new relationship, there is such a simplicity behind the fact of being able to say ‘no’, without having to justify it every single time. And when Bram asks for a reason, it is because he cares, not because he is annoyed.

There is a shadow on Simon’s happiness, though.

As he is laying in Bram's bed, head on the other boy’s chest, he is painfully aware that it is their last night together for months. Tomorrow, Simon is going home for the summer.

Simon rubs his nose against Bram’s chest. “How about we cancel our summer plans? Just stay here and be blissfully happy?”

“It’s exactly what you need,” Bram replies with a bit of sarcasm in his voice. “Start your new, healthy relationship by canceling all your pre-made social plans for him.”

Simon smiles. “I see your point. But it’s not like you asked me to. And I know we won’t actually do it. It’s just… this is nice. I’m afraid it won’t be like that after weeks apart.”

Bram runs his hand up and down Simon’s back. “Simon… I wanted you for months when you were still with Derek. I even sang for you. Then you broke up with Derek and I was so happy. Mainly for you, but for me too. Finally, there was this possibility that, maybe, I could get the guy. I knew you weren’t ready, I knew we had to wait, but… I also knew I wanted you. I made up my mind. I would wait for you. As long as it took. As long as I would feel that bond between us… That night in the night club… I felt so stupid afterward. I knew that if we entered the relationship too soon, it wouldn’t work. And I was terrified that I ruined everything because of a drunken kiss. But I didn’t. And we kept waiting for each other. So when you asked me about being together before the summer… I was dying to say yes, but I had been scared to lose you before, so I wasn’t willing to take that risk. I just thought that spending time home would help you be sure. Even if waiting was killing me. And then you showed up, and you were perfect… For a second, I was afraid that _I_ wouldn’t be enough. That you deserved better than me. But then you said that you wanted me. That you were even willing to wait for me… But we had done enough waiting, right?”

“Right,” Simon replies with a weak voice, afraid to interrupt the most amazing declaration of love anyone ever gave him.

“So what’s another month? Or two? We’ll call and massage each other regularly, right? I’m not going to put you in the corner of my mind to only bring you back in the fall. I’m not letting you go, Simon. It will be weeks, but we’ll meet again like it’s been seconds. I promise you.”

Simon remembers his last summer. Away from Derek. He already knows that Bram’s answer will be different, but he needs to hear it.

“Bram, this summer… I am a one-man person, but… if you need a bit more… freedom, then I think we need to…”

Bram silences Simon with a kiss. “I’ll tell you as many times as you need before you believe it. The only man I see is you.”

The last traces of doubt and fear leave Simon. He heard Bram that time.

They are in an honest, loving, trusting, caring, equal, exclusive relationship. Simon isn’t entirely sure what it will look like, but he knows it is going to be perfect.

Something swells in his chest, the most intense feeling he ever experienced, but he knows it’s too soon to verbalize. So he keeps it inside, where it makes him feel warm, and he will keep it safe a while longer.

There will be plenty of time for that in the fall.

**Life with Bram: one month**

It turns out that Bram was wrong. Two months was too long to wait.

It took a bit of convincing, but Bram is coming to the Spier house for a few days. Officially to meet Simon’s parents, officiously because they just miss each other in spite of being able to talk every day.

Simon is torn. Part of him is overcome with joy. How could he not be? It’s Bram. He wants to see him, but he also wants to show him off. There is another part however that is a bit nervous. His family really doesn’t seem thrilled about having Bram over.

They asked really few questions about him, they insisted he would take the guest room even though Derek did sleep in Simon’s room the only night he spent here and Theo still sleeps in Alice’s room whenever he comes over, and whenever Simon tries to talk about him, they change the subject or look at him with… caution seems to be the appropriate word…

At first, Simon thought that it was all in his head, but as Bram’s arrival is getting closer, he doesn’t want to take any chances.

“Can any of you look happy about meeting my boyfriend?” Simon asks at dinner the day before Bram gets there. They are making him nervous. Are they going to be rude to Bram? Are they at least going to give him a chance? And why does it seem like they all made up their mind about him already? Furthermore in a negative way? Has Simon projected anything other than admiration for Bram?

His family exchange looks and Simon hates feeling like the outsider on a topic that is literally centered around him.

“Fine, Bub, I’ll tell you,” Alice finally says. “You seem… pretty in love.”

Simon is a bit uncomfortable to officially be ‘in love’ before he gets to finally tell Bram, face to face. But that’s clearly not the point. “Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”

“Your relationship is pretty new.”

“Like every relationship at the beginning. What’s your point?”

“The last time you fell in love so fast for another boy…”

Simon refuses to let them pronounce his name. He knows he’s done it himself, but he doesn’t want to let his family compare Bram to Derek. “Bram isn’t Derek. Could you please meet him before emitting an opinion on him? Preferably one regarding who he is and not who he replaces.” After a pause, he adds. “And I wasn’t in love with Derek.” Simon isn’t trying to minimize the hold that Derek had on him, he knows he had been reduced to less than himself for a long time. But he also now knows that that feeling wasn’t love.

Emily sighs. “Simon… we are sure that this boy has numerous qualities,” but he hears in her voice that she doesn’t mean that. It’s the ‘positive sandwich’. She does that all the time. She puts a compliment on each side of what she truly wants to say and thinks that Simon won’t notice she actually said something negative. “However, your last relationship wasn’t a success and you should maybe not jump into the next relationship so quickly. You said that the two of you have been together a week before the summer, it seems a bit fast to be introducing him to the family, don’t you think? Even if he is as great as you say.”

How can Simon explain Blue who helped Jacques not fall into depression, Bram who showed Simon that it was aright to be happy and make his own decisions, Bram who literally sang him the words he needed to hear, Bram who waited, Bram who completes him… How can he tell her that there has been so much longer than a week?

Before he can, Alice adds: “It’s not just that it’s fast, it’s… I know no one wants to call it that, so I’ll do it. Simon, you were in an abusive relationship, and statistically, chances are that you just entered the same kind of relationship. He might seem nice, but those guys are predators.”

Simon has never been so offended before. It’s not about him. Yes, he was weak, and he knows he has the potential to be once more, he isn’t entirely strong yet, but he’s getting there. Thanks to Bram. That’s what offends him. That anyone would think so low of Bram.

“I understand where you’re all coming from,” Simon says. “But regardless of my previous relationship, I would appreciate if you let Bram make a case for himself before judging him and putting him in a box. And just so we’re clear, none of you is going to be rude to Bram.” Apparently, there is some strength left in Simon. If he couldn’t stand up for himself, he is definitely going to speak up for Bram. “And I would like to remind all of you that you were polite to Derek. I won’t let you take any of the frustration you feel about that on someone else. Especially not Bram. If he doesn’t feel welcome here, that’s fine. We’ll just spend the week somewhere else.”

The silence around the table is almost deafening. He sees that his mother is about to say something, but he doesn’t want to hear it. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve lost my appetite…”

His family apparently listened to him. When Bram arrives, a bit late because of traffic, they are very polite to him. But Simon can’t help to notice that it all seems fake. They ask questions that aren’t expecting an answer that would help them get to know Bram, they don’t ask anything about their relationship, they just seem to… not care. As if they hoped Bram would just be a phase. How frustrating when Simon hopes that Bram would be his forever.

It is nearly one a.m. when Simon sneaks in the guest room. He softly knocks on the door. It wouldn’t wake up anyone but if Bram would hear if he is awake.

Simon hears a noise in the room and his heart races. Bram opens the door, handsome even in his pajamas, a gentle smile on his face.

“I’m pretty sure your parents prepared the guest room so we would spend the night in _different_ rooms,” he teases. “Not for you to join me here.”

The bedside lamp is on and a book is abandoned on the bed. Was Bram reading because he is a bookworm or because he was waiting for Simon to do this?

“So I should go back to my room, then?” Simon asks.

“Maybe after a goodnight kiss,” Bram bargains before pulling Simon in, and his lips are _finally_ on Simon’s. Sure, they exchanged a quick kiss when Bram arrived, but nothing more as his family was watching. Now, though, it is a true kiss of two people in love who just got reunited.

“Can I lie with you for a while?” Simon asks.

Bram’s smile is still there. “I drove most of today to be with you. Do you really think I could say no that?”

Simon starts pushing the door closed so they could have a bit of privacy but Bram grabs his wrist. “No, don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Your parents are clearly uncomfortable with you and me being intimate and… I just don’t think I’ll manage to keep my hands off you behind closed doors…”

That answer flusters Simon a bit but he lets go of the door. He lies on the bed with Bram. For a long moment, they don’t speak. They just enjoy being with each other. Again, Simon is a bit confused by this tender moment which, from Bram’s own decision, isn’t attached to sex. Some habits seem to have been ingrained deeper…

“I’m sorry about my family today.”

“Don’t be. I get it. It took us six months to be sure that I wouldn’t be a substitute for your former relationship. They might need more than an evening.”

Simon sighs. “I hate that you keep being compared to Derek. Even sometimes by me… it’s unfair.”

“It’s a bit unfair,” Bram admits. “But everyone has baggage. Yours is just a bit more space-consuming. And I have a past too.”

“Did you leave a series of devastated ex-boyfriends for me?” Simon cheekily asks.

“So many ex-boyfriends,” Bram teases back.

“They were probably easier to be around than me,” Simon whispers. He knows he is fishing for reassurance and he hates this weak, whiney part of himself.

“Probably,” Bram agrees, pulling on Simon’s chin so he would look at him. “You must really be worth it,” he adds with a loving smile before kissing Simon again. “Honestly, though… Derek is in the past, but I know it will take time before he truly is just a memory. It’s fine. Let people compare me to him. I know I win. Every single time. And let your parents test me if they need to. I don’t mind. I’ll even happily prove them wrong. For as long as we need to. And it’s fine if we can’t have sex, and if we have to steal a few moments like right now. What matters is that we get to be together for a few days. I’m just happy to be here.”

“I love you.” Simon wasn’t planning on saying it right now, but Bram’s words were so perfect. The words made their own way out.

Bram’s eyes sparkle and his smile is so wide that it almost looks painful. “I love you too, Simon. You have no idea.” And then, as an easy joke to dedramatize the tension of the day, he adds: “Much more than Derek ever did.”

Simon doesn’t doubt that for a second.

Simon wakes up in Bram’s bed. Clearly, they both fell asleep last night.

The opposite door is his parents’ room. It’s open and the room is empty. When they got up, there is no way they didn’t see Simon disobeying their instructions.

He gets up quietly, trying not to wake Bram. He’d rather face the wrath of his parents on his own and leave Bram out of it as much as he can.

He enters the kitchen where his parents are preparing breakfast. Simon sees that they are putting out a lot of food and they are making a gourmet breakfast, like always when they have guests. That alone shows him that they are trying, to some extent.

“Good morning,” he sheepishly says.

“Did you sleep well?” Emily asks, tight-lipped.

“Can we please not beat around the bush?” Simon asks.

Emily stays silent so Jack jumps in. “I think your mother and I are just disappointed that you would break our rules under our roof.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t planning on sleeping there. We were talking and I fell asleep.”

“Why were you in there in the first place?” Jack asks before realizing that he might not like the answer.

“Because he’s my boyfriend, he came to see me, and I wanted to be with him for a bit.”

“Simon… your father and I are not comfortable with you being intimate with a boy you barely know under our roof, even if he asks you.”

Something snaps in Simon. “Okay… let’s take that sentence in order. First, Bram and I weren’t intimate last night. The door was _open_ … Second, Bram isn’t ‘a boy’. He’s my boyfriend. Which means that I am intimate with him, whether you like it or not. But if you do not want that to be under your roof, we can totally respect that. We did respect that. Even though I would like to point out that Alice and Theo have sex when he comes over, and that I had sex with other boys in this house. Because up until yesterday, the rules were quite different. Third, I haven’t ‘just met’ Bram. I really wanted you to get to know him for him, but fine, let me tell you about the Bram _I_ see. He is the boy who was my friend when I was in what Alice called ‘an abusive relationship’. And unlike everyone who was afraid to talk to me about it, he pulled me out. He is the only reason I was brave enough to leave what I thought was the best relationship I could ever get. And after that, we didn’t date for six months because he helped me _for me_ , so I could rebuild myself, and that was more important to him than what he wanted. He put my needs before his own because he is a good person. And fourth, Bram didn’t ask me anything. I do have a mind of my own. I’m the one who got to his room, I’m the one who insisted on staying for a while, and I’m the one who stupidly fell asleep. In all of this, Bram was the one who insisted on the open door. So I would really appreciate if you could _please_ back-off from Bram…”

His parents exchange a look and Simon doesn’t know if that means that they are going to give Bram a chance or if they also blame him for Simon talking back to them. Although, in all fairness, Bram is partly responsible for Simon talking back. He gave him his fire back.

Before his parents can answer anything, Bram enters the kitchen. “Good morning.” Simon can hear in his voice that he knows they’ve been found out too and is waiting for the sentence. That is sort of the last straw.

Simon walks up to Bram and presses his forehead against the other boy’s shoulder. He feels strangely close to tears. Bram can apparently sense it because his arms wrap around Simon and hold him tight. He buries his face in Simon’s hair and Simon vaguely hears his parents telling them that they will give them a minute and to just join them in the living room when they are ready.

“I’m sorry,” Bram whispers ever so softly.

“What on Earth would _you_ be sorry for?”

“I was just so happy to see you again. I didn’t realize that me meeting your family would be an ordeal for you… we didn’t prepare that wisely enough.”

Simon holds on to Bram like he’s afraid he would disappear. He asks the question that pierces his heart whenever it pops into his mind: “Why haven’t I met you first?” Bram holds him tighter.

Simon is in the garden and looks at Bram playing soccer with Nora.

Out of the entire family, she has been the nicest one with Bram. She doesn’t seem worried that he is going to be a Derek 2.0, she just seems happy that he isn’t Derek and she is getting to know him like she would any of Simon’s friends.

From here, Simon cannot hear what they are saying, but they look like they are having fun. It’s all he needs. For one person in his family to like Bram. To see parts of what Simon sees when he looks at him. An ally that will help Bram feel comfortable during his stay.

Alice sits down next to Simon and hands him a cup of coffee.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. So… Mom is a bit upset.”

“I didn’t want to upset her.”

“I know Bub. She’s not upset at you. She’s annoyed with the rest of us. It seems that… maybe we haven’t been fair on your new boyfriend. I can see that too, but… Simon, the last time you brought a boy, he was awful. The more we tried to tell you, the deeper you hid in that unhealthy relationship of yours, and… we didn’t know what to do about it. Then I heard about the breakup from mutual friends and when I mentioned it to the parents, they didn’t know either. We thought that you just didn’t trust us anymore.”

“It wasn’t like that, Alice. I just needed time.”

“I know. We all thought that this summer would be about rebuilding our relationship. So when you said you had a new boyfriend, that none of us knew about, that it was oh so very new, but that the two of you were serious enough already to invite him over… We were so afraid that he would either be a nice enough guy but that you entered the relationship solely because you needed to value yourself through someone else, or worse that he would be someone who saw the… gentleness in you and wanted to take advantage of that.”

“You can say weakness, Alice. It’s not a dirty word, it’s the truth.” She looks very surprised that Simon would own that part of him. “Derek made me weak and I didn’t hear it from anyone. I heard it from Bram, though. And Bram makes me… if not strong, at least un-weak.”

For the first time, it looks like Alice is starting to believe him. “Do you want to talk to me about him?”

“Not really. I want you to get to know him. I promise you’ll love him too. He might be the best person I know.”

Alice nods. She takes her little brother’s hand. “I’ll give your man a real chance. I promise.”

Simon puts his head on her shoulder. Nora and Bram stop playing and are now just talking. Simon won over his sisters and his parents seem on the verge of giving Bram the chance he deserves. Maybe this visit was a good idea after all even though, Bram was right, they probably didn’t plan it wisely enough.

“Can I ask you one question, though?”

“Sure.”

“Do you love him?”

Simon doesn’t even hesitate, even if the answer might scare his sister. “I do.”

“Can I ask you a follow-up question?”

“Sure,” he replies with a smile.

“How did you know? And I am not fishing for a list of his qualities, I want you to tell me one moment. When did it dawn on you that it was him? That this boy was more important to you than all the other boys.”

That is a hard question. Was it one of Bram’s perfect speeches? Was it that first night they shared? Was it that time at the café when Bram said he would wait? Was it when he realized he was Blue? No. it’s much simpler, cheesier and cliché than that.

“He sang me a song.”

“What?”

“We were singing karaoke with friends, and Bram being a bit shy he didn’t really participate until he picked something and sang it to me. It was perfect.”

“What was the song?” Alice asks, unimpressed.

“Treat you better.”

Alice looks mocking at first but then she seems to recall what the song is about. “And that was when you were still with Derek?”

“That was my last evening with Derek.”

“But… that was months ago.”

“I would have told you if you bothered asking. Bram and I didn’t rush into anything.”

“Why do you two look so serious?” Nora asks when she joins them with Bram.

“Simon was telling me all about Bram’s hobbies.”

“Oh? Which ones?” Bram asks.

“Karaoke,” Alice replies with playful eyes.

Bram shoots Simon a look. “Oh… yeah, that was a one-time thing. I guess I had something important to say.”

“Do you, then?” Alice asks.

“Do I… what?”

“Treat him better.”

“Of course, I am,” Bram replies. “But that’s hardly an achievement, is it?”

Alice’s smile gets less mocking and more genuine. “You know what, Bram? I think I might actually like you…” That is clearly a backhanded compliment but Bram seems pleased about it.

Later that night, Simon just finished doing the dishes – it was his turn – and he is looking for Bram. He would like to watch a movie with him or something before bed. In the living room, of course. They both agreed that tonight, they should sleep in different bedrooms.

Bram is not in the living room, but through the window, Simon can see him. He is sitting with Emily at the garden table. Simon doesn’t know what they are talking about but it looks like his mother is crying. Just a few tears, but in front of a stranger, it says a lot. Bram extends his hand on the table and Emily takes it.

For a minute, Simon just stays there, looking at his boyfriend comfort his mother. He still can’t hear them, but he isn’t stupid enough to not guess what they are talking about. He feels like he is watching a privileged moment and he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to.

He jumps when his father appears by his side.

“Why is Mom crying?”

“I think your mother heard what you said this morning. About us not being here for you when you needed help, about that boy being your rock, about us not knowing what your life had been like this past year, about us being unfair on you and Bram…”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Maybe you should have. Being a parent is terrifying, you know? It’s pretty much making a series of mistakes and poor choices and hoping that you do not damage your child too much in the process. We really thought that you needed the space to live your life at college, and when we were proven wrong, we thought that we should maybe use a different approach, and… I’m sorry son. For a lot of things, but right now for having welcomed openly the wrong boy into our home, and for treating Bram like less than a guest.”

“You didn’t do that… it’s just… you haven’t been rude to him or anything, but I could see the difference and, as you said, it did hurt to think that Derek would be shown more respect than Bram.”

“That boy… Derek… did he hurt you a lot?” Jack seems genuinely concerned. As if he is ready to hear an awful truth he didn’t even envision yet.

“He was never violent or anything like that, but… yes, I guess he did hurt me.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I know your mom and your sisters can be a bit overwhelming with these things. But I could simply listen if you need to.”

Simon wants to seize that opportunity to feel closer to his father, simply not like this. “I don’t really want to talk about Derek. I don’t want to keep giving him a place in my life. But I’d like to talk to you about my new boyfriend. If you’d like.”

“Yes, I think I would like that. How about you tell me about him while we make some coffee for everyone? And then we could have a board-game night. Just like when you and the girls were still our babies and didn’t have boyfriends to steal you from us?”

Simon chuckles. “Yes, that sounds nice.” Unlike someone Simon doesn’t want to think about anymore, Bram will probably be happy about a family board game night.

Tonight, for the first time ever, Simon and his father bond over Simon’s love life. Jack has met a few boyfriends since high school, but it is the first time they talk about Simon’s feelings, about what he likes about that specific boy, Jack even asks a few personal questions that would have made him so uncomfortable when Simon came out.

It feels like Bram is the perfect boyfriend to bond over.

Emily stops Simon when he leaves the bathroom after brushing his teeth. “Si, do you have a minute?”

“I do.”

She takes a deep breath and says “Your father thinks that I shouldn’t try to make you talk about any of this and that I should let you come to me. For once, I think I have to accept that he is the smartest one and give you your space. But I also want you to know how proud of you I am.”

“Uh… thanks.” Simon isn’t entirely sure what she is proud of, but it is always nice to hear.

“And that I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

She pulls him for a quick hug and when she tries to let go, he keeps her close. He knows that today was a bit emotional for her and he needs her to understand that he doesn’t blame her, for any of it. Neither the Derek part nor the Bram part. Even if he wouldn’t know how to say that with words.

“And… your father and I have been talking… maybe Bram shouldn’t sleep in the guest room tonight.” Simon can feel his eyebrows rise in surprise. “I talked to him today. He seems to be the boy every mother wishes her child would bring home. But even without that… he is _your_ boyfriend, and we will treat him as such.”

“This still feels very forbidden,” Bram says joining Simon in his bed.

“And yet it’s not,” Simon replies sliding closer to Bram. “Because you won over my entire family today.”

“It’s almost underwhelming,” Bram comments.

“How so?”

“The only thing I had to do was to be a better person than Derek.”

“You know… now, I can see all those things that you and Leah, and many people tried to tell me about Derek. But when I was in the relationship… I really thought I was happy.”

“No, you didn’t. You wouldn’t have created Jacques if you thought you were happy.”

“I am happy now, though. Happy enough that I feel sorry for the next boyfriend I will bring home and that will be judged against you…”

Bram raises an eyebrow. “Next boyfriend? Are you already thinking about my replacement? I feel so used…”

“Nope,” Simon replies, putting his lips on Bram. “You’re actually stuck with me…” Bram doesn’t answer, already lost in the kiss. Simon pulls Bram as close as he can and that still doesn’t feel like enough.

Bram sighs. “Si… I really don’t have enough will power to keep being the sensible one…”

“Good,” Simon replies. “I really don’t want you to be.”

Simon feels so lucky when mischief replaces caution in Bram’s eyes. He still asks: “Are you sure?”

“It depends… How quiet can you be?”

It turns out they both can be very quiet and still work their magic.

**Life with Bram: one semester**

Simon’s heart is beating fast. Not in a pleasant way. He thinks he might throw up. He knew this moment would happen eventually, but… does that mean that Bram is going to break up with him? Should he have acted differently?

He barely even remember what they fought about. He mainly remembers leaving Bram’s room slamming the door. Later that night, he wanted to call Bram and apologize, but he left his phone at Bram’s.

Now he is in front of Bram’s dorm room, heart pounding, not knowing if he’ll be able to knock. What if Bram decides that this is it? That the Simon he saw yesterday isn’t the Simon he wants to build a story with?

Simon knocks and the door flies open almost instantly.

Bram looks like a mess and it breaks Simon’s heart. Bram extends a hand toward Simon but changes his mind halfway through as if he didn’t know if he is allowed.

“Are you… here for your phone?”

Simon would like to eventually get his phone back, sure, but he’ll trade a thousand phones to be able to erase their first-ever fight. “Who cares about the phone?”

It was all Bram needed to hear and he pulls Simon in and holds him tight. Simon holds his boyfriend back, moved by Bram’s ability to forgive so easily.

“I’m sorry Simon. I didn’t mean the things I said.”

“Me too. We were both tired and we took it out on each other. I shouldn’t have left half-way through our argument.”

“You came back.”

“Of course, I came back. I needed to know if you wanted to break things off.”

“Break things off? For a stupid argument?”

“Well… The last time I stood up to a boyfriend, it didn’t really end well…”

Bram’s eyes go all soft. “Simon… We pretty much fought over nothing yesterday. We need to try to make that it doesn’t happen again, but it will. And we will also fight for some more important things sometimes. But there are three things I take from this. The first one is that one fight in sixth months is actually a pretty decent score. Second, and it’s going to seem odd, but… part of me was so happy and proud that you would stand up to me. Some of the things you said were a bit hurtful, but there you were, standing up for yourself, and that was a bit magnificent. I want that for us. I wasn’t afraid to hurt you, you weren’t afraid to push back… I finally fully feel like I have Simon in my life. And not an altered post-Derek version.”

Simon puts his lips on Bram’s. “I just love that you can see grace and poetry in a stupid fight like this.”

Bram shrugs. “That leads us to my third point. I was restless all night. I didn’t know if I could come to you or give you space, and you left your phone, and… As you said last time you had a fight, you pretty much moved on. I didn’t know if you would still want to date someone who would get annoyed at something that small. But I knew that the way we came out of this would be an indicator of our relationship moving forward. And here we are. Like nothing happened.”

“Bram… nothing happened. Yes, you did spin it into a fight, but if I didn’t leave like a baby… I’m pretty sure we would have sorted this out yesterday already. One day, we’ll fight about something big and it might take us some more work to find our way back. For now… I just want to forget about yesterday and go back to being madly in love.”

“Yes. That sounds like a good plan. Do you want your phone, now?”

“No… not yet. Now, I want to try that thing that everyone talks about.”

“What’s that?”

“Make-up sex. I’ve heard it’s pretty good.”

“Oh. Yes, I’ve heard that too… We would be very stupid not to find out for ourselves, right?”

“Definitely!”

It’s been over a week and Simon is surprised by how big the fight seemed when he was in it, and how ridiculously small it seems now. Or even seemed the day after.

But Bram had a point. This stupid argument made them stronger. Their communication is even better, and they had proof that they are not afraid of affecting Simon’s recovery anymore, they are not afraid of putting themselves first when they need to, and – most importantly – Derek is finally completely a thing of the past.

Simon is almost grateful for their ridiculous fight.

One evening, as they are walking back to Bram’s dorm after a night out, Bram says: “So, Simon… No pressure, it’s just an idea I’m throwing out there, and if you don’t want to it’s fine, it doesn’t have to change anything between us. I mean, it’s a bit soon, but…”

“Bram?”

“Yeah?”

“Instead of rambling about what might happen if I say no, how about you tell me what I can say no to?”

This is so easy. Bram shouldn’t be nervous. Simon knows he can say no to Bram. He also knows that if he does say no, Bram won’t be upset, will let him explain if he wants to, or stay silent if that’s what he needs. Simon can be his own person; not what Bram wants him to be.

Actually, to Simon’s surprise, it turns out that who Simon is is who Bram wants him to be. That’s who Bram loves. Even without his complicated history, that would always surprise Simon. That of all the boys, Bram would choose him.

“I’m leaving the dorms next year. I want a bit more independence and a bit more space.”

“Okay. Won’t that be more expensive?”

“A bit. Which is why I need a flatmate. And I just thought… maybe… you’d like to move in with me?”

The first word that comes to Simon’s mind is ‘YES’. More time with Bram, freedom to have sex whenever without risking anyone walking in on them, the chance to know each other better, share the mundane everyday life, waking up to his face every morning… That’s everything he wants.

But another voice covers that. The one that Bram taught him to listen to. The cautious, reasonable one, that doesn’t believe that another boy’s love is linked to agreeing to everything he asks. Then he thinks that they have time. He doesn’t have to rush into anything just because he is desperate to keep Bram around. Bram will be there regardless.

Plus, no matter how happy they are now, even if it seems impossible right now, what if they break up? He needs to follow his head as much as his heart on this one.

Simon still wants to say yes, but… “Can I think about it?”

“Of course, you can! You should, actually! It’s not until another term. We can talk about it again when I start looking this summer. And, remember, no pressure. We need to be ready for this step. Individually and as a couple. I don’t even know if I’m fully there, but I am seriously thinking about it more and more and I just thought I should put the idea out there.”

Simon nods. He will think about it. He will mention it to Leah and Alice who will keep his romantic oblivious self in check and force the pragmatist side of him to join the debate. He will do things right because that’s who he is now.

But he also already know he’s going to say yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it.  
> Some parts are a bit cheesy (but at some point it's just my writing style, right?), some parts are a bit repetitive, and some parts are a bit vague. It's sort of on purpose and I hope it didn't make the chapter boring or hard to read.
> 
> And for everyone who followed my meltdown, you might wonder what I'm doing here: it's been a month since I decided to leave, two weeks since I announced it, and I'm already back.  
> The thing is that currently - like most people - I have a lot of time to think, and I can't really focus on work, social life, or a nice day out. So I worked on my block instead. I'm still not sure if I'm coming back, but I also didn't want to leave this unfinished story. (Which probably tells that I either have no discipline or that I can't stay away. Or both).  
> Let's consider this either me testing the water or my baby step back.


End file.
